Agnes found Zach by the food court, starring blankly into Suncoast. "Wow," he said, "look at all those TV's."
Agnes smiled foolishly at him and led him away by his arm, "C'mon Zach, I need to work on my Sociology paper. Can you believe that I have to, like, stand around and observe how people act in the mall? Like I don't know how people act in the mall already. Look at them, they just stroll around window shopping like a bunch of ants listening to subliminals. My friend Chris says there really are subliminals in that elevator music that they play in the background and he can, like, hear it with his bare ear."
The people did look suspiciously happy to Zach. Even if they didn't have a particular destination in mind, they would wander in and out of stores. The stores themselves were very interesting to Zach, even from the outside. He passed pictures of pretty women, displays of lingerie, manikins wearing sports clothing, and neon signs.
"Why do the outsides of the stores have to be so ornamented?" asked Zach.
"I know what you mean. It's like totally freaky. They know that we're middle class Americans who, like want to buy stuff at low costs, so they make it look like you're getting some great deal. My dad says they are going to take over the world and we'll all be little consuming clones that just can't stop buying." (Agnes stops to take a breath.)
"Y-you know about the invasion?" sputtered Zach.
"Like freak-out Zach, don't look at me like that. My dad just doesn't know, okay? Like, I'm my own person and none of those advertisements ever make me have to go in a store.
Forgetting about the close-call, Zach stopped suddenly in his tracks in front of Zumiez. "Free T-shirt if you buy a pair of shorts," he said. "I need a pair of shorts. I wouldn't mind a new T-shirt." The punk music from inside Zumiez was just loud enough so that Zach could hear the bass line. The big blue neon sign beckoned him. He like he was being sucked inside. . .
He was standing inside a room crammed with clothes racks all bearing "ON SALE!" signs. Agnes was standing next to him popping her gum.
"This place always reminds me of our garage," she said. Let's go in the back and I'll show you the skateboard my brother has been coveting. His birthday is next month, so. . ."
Agnes showed Zach the skateboard that her brother wanted and Zach bought three new outfits. Zach left the store elated.
Back at the spaceship two weeks later, wearing his free T-shirt, Zach reported back to his comrades on what people were like based on his experience at the mall. "Humans," he said, "have no values. Nothing to them is sacred. They exploit human women through revealing photographs which are then used to sell things. They use angels to sell lingerie. They lie so you think they are giving you a deal, but really they are robbing you blind. Humans want to look a certain way that will make other humans think that they are a certain kind of human that they aren't. Humans want to fit-in, be sexy, and feel good about being taken advantage of."
"Well," said the captain, "it looks like we won't invade there after all. We'll be heading home tomorrow."
"One more thing, Captain," said Zach, "drop me off on Earth on your way."
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