Merry Christmas, Agnes

   It was Christmas time in Bremerton. Zach, back from college, invited Agnes over to his house. When Agnes arrived, Zach was sitting at the Zucchinis' family computer printing out sheet after sheet of solid black paper.
  
   "Hey, Zach! What are you doing?" asked Agnes.  

   "I'm making prints of my minimalist photography. This one is called `night.'"
  
   "Cool. So, are we still going to Seattle today?"
   
   "Yeah. We need to pick up Stichy first."
  
   "Who?"
  
   "Stichy."
   
   "Oh."
  
   Agnes sat in silence while Zach put the finishing touches on his "night" prints. Agnes was thinking about Zach's family. It was strange how Zach looked nothing like his mother. Whenever Agnes asked him about it, he would simply say, "We're Romanian," as if that explained everything.   

   What Agnes didn't know was that Zach was really an Alien life form who had taken the shape of a human. The earth had been "invaded" by Zach six months ago. Zach's reports about humans had been so discouraging, that the invasion was cancelled. Zach had chosen to remain on the earth, adopting an earth mother, Miss. Madeline Zucchini. Zach hypnotized Madeline, planting in her mind false memories of his birth and young life. Unfortunately he forgot to include memories of his conception. Thus, the 45 year old virgin was very uneasy about any questions regarding Zach's father.  

   Agnes' ears perked up at the sound of the front door opening. Madeline was home. "Hi Zach!" she called, "Zach?" Madeline poked her head into the room. "Oh, hi Agnes. Zach, will you be here for din--Zach!"  

   "Hi mom."  

   "Zach, don't print out things with so much black. You'll run the printer out of ink." Madeline went in the kitchen.

   "What was she talking about?" Zach asked Agnes.  

   "Your `night' prints." 
 
   "Yeah?" 
 
   "Are all black."
  
   "Yes!" and after a long pause, "huh?"
  
   "When you use that much black, you use a lot of ink."

   "So?"  

   "So, you'll run the printer out of ink."  

   "So?"
  
   "So she wants you not to do that again."
  
   "Oh."  

   Madeline was secretly worried about her son. He seemed so spacey all the time. She had been forced to put everything into marked Tupperware containers after she came home one day to discover Zach eating an unmarked bag of craft sand. His response to her astonishment was, "I didn't know what it was."
  
   "Mom, we're leaving," called Zach.
  
   "Bye, honey," she said.

   "Bye Miss. Zach's Mom," said Agnes.  

   "Where's Stichy live?" asked Agnes, climbing into her car.
  
   "Downtown, so it's on our way to the ferry."  

   Agnes and Zach drove downtown and picked up Stichy. Agnes introduced herself to Stichy, whose really name was Fred Stichosky. Stichy was an amateur magician who considered himself Zach's best friend. Once on the ferry, Stichy did tricks for the entire ride. Finally the ferry docked and unloaded, Agnes drove towards the Space Needle.
  
   "Mecca!" said Zach.
  
   "What?" said Agnes.
  
   "Cigars!" said Stichy.
  
   "What?"

   "Let's stop at that Cigar Store."
  
   After Stichy bought a cigar, they continued their pilgrimage to the Space Needle. Suddenly, without warning, fireworks exploded above the Space Needle.
  
   "Pull over!" yelled Zach, yanking the steering wheel away from Agnes. They pulled over into a parking lot. Zach jumped out of the car, staring at the sky. Stichy climbed out of the backseat and started smoking his cigar. Agnes climbed out and walked over to Zach.
  
   "Zach?" Agnes was half angry and half amused. Zach wandered toward the street. A woman in a car stopped at a red light rolled down her window and handed Zach a cardboard party horn. The light changed. Zach blew the horn. The lady honked her horn. Stichy puffed on his cigar. Agnes laughed hysterically.
 
   "What's wrong with her?" asked Stichy.
  
   Zach shrugged, "She gets that way sometimes."